The King is Dead...

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...long live the President of the United States!

His Choice

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Call me an incorrigible curmudgeon/terrible human being, but I didn't share the primordial exuberance that possessed the writhing throng of Obama supporters on Tuesday. When CNN announced his victory, I clapped solemnly and did my best to keep giddy hipsters at bay. Perhaps it's because I'm reserved by nature, or perhaps it was because I went alone, but whatever the cause, the event failed to stir any profound sentiments, notwithstanding my being at the proverbial heart of it all.

But please don't interpret my want of outward enthusiasm as my rejecting the evening's significance. I recognize the categorically historical character of the election, and cannot in good conscience deny that the Obama campaign has reawakened--in some measure--a sense of unity, purpose, and certitude seldom seen in this individualistic, at times atomistic country. Indeed, the demographci copmosition that night--a quasi-surreal amalgam that included, yes, hipsters--speaks to the strength and breadth of the message of record. Yet, at the same time, realistic considerations of the challenges that lie ahead checked my jubilation, and as such I am glad that the president-elect acknowledged as much in his acceptance speech.

That said, it remains that Mr. Obama will inherit an innervated, robust Oval Office. How he makes use of those powers will be of great interest and import in the years to come as this republic lurches toward a moment of exception. Let us hope that he will use those prerogatives prudently.

Fin

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Huzzah! The end of the hitherto remorseless political death-march that is the 2008 presidential elections is finally nigh! For the record, Your Cartoonist voted early (and, because this is Chicago, very often), and is looking forward to not having to draw John McCain's odious visage ever again. That said, he strongly urges you to vote for Barack Obama!

There be [Political] Savages

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Plumbed from the darkest depths of depravity by Joe the Plumber himself, "That One" from Kenya is this year's must-see political horror %@^#show, courtesy of the Republican Party, its base of mouth-breathers, the illiterati, and prejudiced ignoramuses everywhere.

Speaking of "that Muslim Communist Manchurian candidate," Your Cartoonist will be at the Obama rally in Indiana tomorrow because he belongs to the elitist, liberal media conglomerate that is the Chicago Maroon (huzzah for press credentials!). That said, expect sketch blogs sometime over the weekend!

As for the art, this cartoon marks a triumphant return to hand-inking, and was colored in Adobe Photoshop CS3.

The ACORN Menance [dun Dun DUNNN]

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For those who are interested, this work by Arthur Syzk informed the layout and composition of today's cartoon.

Artistic points aside, the torrent of right-of-center perfidy vis-a-vis the organization of record has become more than just vexing, and is, in my opinion, an inestimably greater threat to the welfare of Republic than the petty ineptitude of a few poorly paid ACORN employees, whose fraudulent voter registrations cannot, I might add, even be used at the polls unless extensive identification documents are present.

John McCain: A Political Comedy in Thirteen Acts

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The caption does not lie: All of the above caricatures were taken directly from Wednesday's debate. They appeared in the following order in the compilation I watched:

12, 3, 1, 4, 5, 7, 10, 9, 8, 11, 2, 6, 13.

At any rate, unbeknownst to most observers, John McCain's quirky outbursts were, contrary to popular opinion, not the result of his senility or natural irritability. They were in reality attributable to his confusing the debate for a rehearsal of The Many and Various Affectations of an Angry Old Coot, a delightful late-nineteenth century Vaudeville show which he played the leading role.

Domestic Idiot

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Oh, look, it's Sarah Palin, Queen of the Rubes, inciting her dark legion of bloodthirsty country bumpkins, law fixtures, and right-of-center wingnuts to murder and rapine. Country First, always!

And yes, I know that the McCain/Palin campaign has began to "tone down" their odious rhetoric, and that no one has so far broached the subject of Jeremiah Wright, but that doesn't absolve them of their despicable conduct as of late.

Anyhow, as you can see, I had a difficult time replicating the chicken-scratch "script" of the illiterati, though I think that the message came across all the same.

Tumors Upon Endless Tumors

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We all know that John McCain's face is a grotesque series of tumors upon tumors, but did you know that McNasty is also a malignant growth upon the very body politic itself, one capable of naught but regurgitating intellectually bankrupt domestic policies? Anyhow, it suffices to say that I was not at all impressed with John McWarpants' performance Tuesday, though I will concede that he fared better during the foreign policy segment than he did during the first debate. Still, neither candidate provided a satisfactory answer in the said category in my estimation.

The American people, meanwhile, seem to agree that Obama won both debates handily; the McCain campaign rejoined shortly thereafter that the American people are in the tank for Obama, and therefore must be bombed remorselessly into the ground.

On an unrelated topic, this cartoon did not appear in this Friday's issue of the Maroon on account of pressing format issues. So consider this an Online Exclusive!

A Gallery of the Highly Inadvisable

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Other, not pictured (albeit not rejected) ideas:

1. Palin bidding adieu to her son with the words, "Have fun fighting Mommy's endless war, son!"
2. A diagrammatic illustration of Sarah Palin's open cranium reveals a single white flag. Caption: "In the throes of cognitive surrender."
3. Ms. Palin following her own assessment of the popular sentiment by enjoining the government to "Get out of my way!"...while drowning.
4. The candidates and their VPs queuing up by a door labeled "The Knesset" to polish its knob.

On a much graver note, as I compose this, the greatest crime hitherto perpetrated against small independent artists--the irredeemably odious Orphan Works Act--is on the verge of being enshrined into law by the House under cover of night, while the nation is preoccupied with an economic crisis and vice presidential debate.

Passage of the legislation [sic] of record will categorically obliterate the intellectual property rights and liberties presently enjoyed by millions of artists in the United States and abroad. Needless to say, this exercise of unalloyed avarice is repugnant to the spirit of this very nation and the universal liberal principles it [purportedly] represents and expounds. It suffices to say that this is a dark day for art.

Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Bomb The Economy

For want of my tablet, allow me, then, to describe using these eldritch hieroglyphs you call "words" two cartoons pertaining to the issue of the day (read: The Imminent Apocalypse):

1. An anthropomorphic wrench shaped suspiciously like John McCain hurtles through the air, its grim trajectory suggesting an inevitable collision with two gears emblazoned with the weary visages of Chris Dodd and Barney Frank on one and Henry Paulson and Ben Bernanke the other.

2. A nude John McCain [shudder] announcing his having suspended his campaign, his genitalia thankfully veiled by a "Country First" sign.

Old "McNasty" is like everyone's doddering old grandfather who, while possessing no knowledge of electronics, insists on fixing your computer, which he calls a "difference engine." The scene ends with your house in cinders. Unlike most doddering grandparents, however, John McWarpants could--if American are just dumb enough--become the next Commander-in-Chief; imagine how that scene concludes, if you will.

Sarah Palin: She is Dumb

Redoubled drilling is about as economically sound as spelunking in Sarah Palin's cavernous, barren cranium for intellectual nourishment.

The End

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...of the madness that is the Democratic primary--a.k.a. Hillary Clinton, Destroyer of Parties, Devourer of Children's Dreams. Now all we have to do is pray that the throngs of Hillary fanatics (read: old crones) will not actually make good on their intellectually bankrupt threat and vote for John McCain.

On a more serious note, I think that Hillary could have easily averted her spectacularly ignominious fall by withdrawing earlier, thereby salvaging some morsel of her political career. Alas, she choose otherwise, and must now pay the full expense. As for whether this constitutes a blow for women, I think that's a silly question, since (1) the outcome would have been nothing short of revolutionary either way, wherefore it's pointless to weigh the two possibilities, and (2) neither gender nor race should be a standard of judgment in the first place.

Incidentally, this is the last cartoon of the academic year, not to mention the largest, weighing in at a phantasmagoric 10" x 6.5" (a whopping four columns across). I don't maintain a regular update regimen over the summer, but I will certainly make an effort to draw at least one cartoon per week.

A Nut for All Seasons

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Uncle Sam doesn't need to be a certified neurologist to see that John McCain's gone soft in the onion. Read the rest of his program here.

On a totally unrelated note, this is hilarious:



Scathing.

God Save the Queen

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...Queen Hillary the Inevitable, that is, since divine intervention is pretty much her only hope at this point. In the meantime, will the pestilential horde of Scav-fanatics at once single-handedly salvage poor Queen Hillary's campaign and bring down the Chicago Maroon [11 points]? Gods willing, neither dreadful possibility will ever come to pass.

(Voodoo) Econ 101

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You know you've done something categorically nonsensical when your own elitist economic advisers join the chorus of professional protest. John McCain, meanwhile, is as old as the fossil fuels we voraciously consume, and therefore doesn't even know what this newfangled "economy" thing is. Hillary's posterior is also bigger than McCain's commodious, squirrel-like cheeks.

*SUPER IMPORTANT CORRECTION: Speaking of absurdities, John McCain can't actually lift his arms above his shoulders in real life. Whoops!

Fair and Balanced

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You think you're patriotic, but are you four flag lapel pins patriotic? Dun Dun DUN!

Infighting

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At this rate, we'll all be hailing Supreme Overlord McCain come January. Here's to ten thousand years of unremitting war!

Notice: Unauthorized reproductions and reprints of any material on this page is strictly prohibited. Please, for the love of private property, use the bloody proper channels!

Nine Hundred Channels Without Intelligent Life

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I'm not particularly fond of television journalism, and yesterday's Pennsylvania Democratic debate only reaffirmed my disdain. Anyhow, it suffices to say that the debate of record was by far the most boring and inane to date. The two inquiries by George Stephanopoulus and Gibson featured here are merely the tip of the proverbial iceberg of intellectual surrender.

At any rate, I decided to forgo the usual caption out of formatting concerns.

Who's Hillary Now?

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Truth be told, I had originally intended to illustrate a more extensive, exclusively online feature showcasing the multitudinous faces of Senator Clinton--including Hillary-bot 9000 ("Resistance is futile, your vote will be assimilated!")--that would complement a more limited print cartoon. Unfortunately, that required more time than I had, so you'll have to be content with the above cartoon. In the meantime, I present to you Hillary Rodham Clinton: A woman for all seasons.

Change You Can Inflate

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Not to be confused with "change you can Xerox." While we're on the topic of rhetoric, I rather appreciated Christopher Hitchens' recent article on the sorry state of today's political and public discourse.